sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
