Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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