She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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