Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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