here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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