he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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