Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
