I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
