so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You pole danced in your parka.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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