You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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