Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
