So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
