My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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