Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
