sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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