I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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