dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
