my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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