I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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