I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
