Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
