i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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