Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
