I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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