how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
