spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
