the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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