im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
