Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
