Do vagina's smell?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
