I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
