wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
