I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
