FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize