were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
