So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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