either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
