She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
