Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
