Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
