: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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