and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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