i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
