I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
