I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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