I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
