we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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