I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
