After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
