Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This is classic penis vs brain.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
