i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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