Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
