I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize