nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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