this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
