I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
