i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
