My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
