So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
