I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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