my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
