just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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