White coat. Heels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
