today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
