So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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