New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
wow bdsm is so cute
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
