Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
