Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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