the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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