he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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